Some time ago, when graft was raver short
And didn't seem as though it would get better
Says I, 'To get a wife I really ought
And one that goes to work, if I can get 'er.'
I found a gal, at church we made a call
But since i've been in 'arness double jointed
I finds that married life don't suit at all
Well, to tell the truth, I'm downright disappointed

Chorus: Oh, she's too good to live is Mrs Carter
She's a tarter, I'm the martyr
I feels just as if I'd like to 'aht 'er
Upon my word, she's awful aggrevatin'
Why don't she jaw a bit, or cause a little riot, some 'ah?
What's the use of couples getting married at all
If yer never 'as a bloomin rah?

'Er pleasant ways they fair give me the 'ump'
'Cause I wasn't meant for 'oneymoonial blisses
She's like a pound of 'tuppenny-'apenny lump'
But I never could stand bread and cheese and kisses
I wish we was the couple over-'ead
'Cause they bangs each others' 'eads wiv'aht compunction
There's many a time you fink as 'e was dead
And 'is face is like the map of Clapham Junction.


I'm abserlootly sick o' this yer life
I gets quite exasperooted like, and snappy
I'd like a rah wiv someone else's wife
'Cause it's misery to me to be so 'appy
I've done my 'werry best' to do my wust
And all kinds of provvy-cations I've been givin'
If we don't soon 'ave a fight I know I'll bust
'Cause 'ow's the magistrates to get their livin'

Written and composed by Edgar Bateman & George Le Brunn
Performed by Gus Elen (1862-1940)
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