I've got one special dear old pal, we goes about together
And though I likes him fairly well, we ain't birds of a feather
For now and then 'e gits the 'ump, ah, suffers from it fearful
And while it lasts I tell yer straight, the way 'e talks ain't cheerful

Chorus: 'E makes yer think that life's a blank
A disgustin' dreary 'dezzit.'
It ain't exactly wot 'e sez
It's the nasty way 'e sez it.

Now say I gits a brand new suit, which I consider 'dossy'
'E'll turn 'is nose up, ten to one, and call it beastly 'ossy'
Or say, 'You might get togs to fit, when you was on the borrer
Ain't got a pal your size perhap? I'll lend you mine tomorrer.'


Suppose we takes a Sunday stroll, I spots a little lady
I winks at 'er, she winks at me, of course I raise my 'caddy'
'E'll turn around and say to me, with both his eyes a-flashing
'You haven't got the cheek to think it's you the gal's a-mashing.'


Wepasses by a public house, I glances at my 'ticker'
And says, 'Look here old chap, we've just got time for one more liquor
'E'll turn his pockets inside out and say, 'All right no rushing
I'll have a glass along o' you, but who's to do the lushin'?

Chorus: Well, then I feel that life's a blank
A disgustin' dreary 'dezzit.'
It ain't exactly wot 'e sez
It's the nasty way 'e sez it.

'E dearly loves his little joke, not 'armless as it should be
And often when they've punched his 'ead I've told him that it would be
I've known him sneak my Sunday clothes and brag about it after
Then round on me disgustin' for not joining in ther laughter.


My ancesters with the Conqueror came
My ancient name is one of fame
Tho' plunder and robbery was the game
My forefathers called it war
I've the whole of their fortune, and spoils and gains
Which perhaps explains, my want of brains
For I know that the intellect remains
At the East of Temple Bar.

Written and composed by Albert Chevalier & Charles Ingle - 1892
Performed by Albert Chevalier (1861-1923)
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