Nature's made a big mistake when making us I guess
We ain't got no advantages like animals persess
For instance take the Bantam Cock, compare that bird with me
I can't rule one wife, but he seems to rule twenty three
'Is wife keeps 'im busy layin' eggs, 'e only crows for food
D'yer think my wife would keep me if I cock-a-doodle-dood?
A dog's got four legs, I've got two, again now there's the rub
If I 'ad four legs I'd come 'ome much steadier from the pub.

Chorus: Nature's made a big mistake
Take the camel, who 'as always got the 'ump
Still to drink enough at once to last a week, 'e's got the power
I can only take enough at once to last me 'alf 'an hour
But if I could do what camels does,
Drink seven days supply upon the spot
I'd get loaded up each Saturday and sleep until the next
If I only 'ad the tank the camel's got.

Nah, the rhi-nose-oss-rus 'as a skin about six inches thick
What a lovely skin to 'ave if someone throws a brick
'Ave yer seen the glow worm glowin'?
Well if such a light I could show
When the kiddy cries at night, I could get out of bed and glow
A fly can walk upsidedown, if I could do that, Lor
I'd walk around the ceiling while the missus scrubs the floor
A porcupine's an animal you can't sit on d'yer see
If I was like 'im my old gal would never sit on me.

Chorus: Nature's made a big mistake
Take the peacock, 'ave you watched 'im spread 'is tail
Everyone admires a peacock's spreadin' tail, yer see
If I could do the same as 'im they'd all admire me
Yes, if I could do what peacocks does
Grow feathers, why a-course I'd save a lot
My wife could pluck the feathers from my tail to trim 'er 'at
If I'd only got the tail the peacock's got.

A turkey's stuffed with sausages, 'Is life is full of joys
Sausages! I'm lucky to get stuffed with saveloys
If I were like the tortoise, and could move my 'ouse about
'Twould take the landlord all 'is time to ever chuck me out
The giraff's got a six foot neck, if my 'ead was as high
Look at the big advantages when the Lord Mayor's Show goes by
The kangaroodle's gifted with a natural market bag
What an 'andy place to keep an 'arf a pound o' shag.

Chorus: Nature's made a big mistake
Take the rattle snake, what rattles when 'e's shook
'E can tie 'is tail around yer neck an rattle in yer ear
If I could do what them snakes do, I'd frighten my old dear
When my old gal got riotous I could tie myself round 'er in a knot
Stick my napper through the letter box an' rattle for the p'lice
If I'd only got the power the rattler's got.
Written and composed by Worton David & Alf Ellerton
Performed by Gus Elen (1862-1940)
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