No doubt you'll swear at the naval scare
Of the White Bear, and the Parley Voo
Well I'm a naval scare-crow
And I'll soon show 'em who is who
I fought with Admiral Nelson on board the Victoree
Let France and Russia go to pot
They'll very soon find out what's what
While men like me you've got
I'll take care that you don't get shot
All their bounce is tommy rot
I don't care for the whole lot,
You have a bit on me.

Chorus: But I don't want to fight, I'd rather smoke or chew
There's three feet in a yard of tripe and twice as much in two
I've been to sea before but if I can hustle through
I'll never pay to see Constantinople.

Our ironclads, without any doubt
Well, they're all very fine and large
I know what I'm talking about
For I've been skipper of a barge
As long as I can mop four ale
John Bull shall rule the sea
So let the French and Roossians come
I'll be on their track, by gum
I'll give what Paddy gave the drum
Rum- tiddley-um-tum-tum-tum-tum
Blow the lot to kingdom come
Bang to the new Jerusalem,
They'll remember me.

Chorus: But I don't want to fight, I'd rather smoke or chew
Life is a conundrum, and so are polonies too
I'd rather shift the jaw of a boxing kangaroo
Than melt a bob to see Constantinople.

John Bull, they say, is now getting old
And a war would send him in a faint
Our foes they say that he's had his day
But I'll soon show 'em that he ain't
I'll call the brave Militia out, and then
What price the enemeee?
We've got the volunteers in flocks
Harness belts and electric shocks
We've got soap that won't wash frocks
Pills that's worth a guinea a box
And I'm going down to Tilbury Docks
Don't be alarmed, I'll give 'em socks,
Strike me up a tree.

Chorus: But I don't want to fight, I'd rather smoke or chew
A stiver buys a faggot, but three-ha'pence pays for two
And as long as I can dose the monkeys in the Zoo
I'll never pay to see Constantinople.
Written and composed by Charles Osbourne - 1894
Performed by T.E. Dunville (1868-1924)
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