Mr Pat Malone and I a cabin had to share
Upon an open boat, and the first night afloat
When we started to undress, at bedtime, be it said
A ladies nightgown I put on, then popped into my bed
Then the night began to fall. "Begorrah," murmured Pat
"Why do you wear a ladies gown to sleep in, tell me that?"
I said "If there's a shipwreck, and the worst comes to the worst
You silly fool, they always save the women and children first"

I went to have my fortune told by some old Gipsy dame
And the funny things she said, made me blush pink and red
She murmured "Cross the gypsy's palm with gold, my bonnie lad"
So I crossed it with a goldfish. That was all the gold I had
Then the night began to fall. On me she cast a spell
She said "You've got no children, Sir. That I can plainly tell
A Father you have never been. I went all cold and hot
Then I said "Well, if that's the case, well, whose are the nine I've got?

Once I felt very ill and thought I was going to die
I don't know what I had, but I felt really bad
The undertaker came around to cheer me up, and he
Told me of all the jobs he'd had down at the cemetery
Then the night began to fall, as by my bed he sat
Then all at once my bedroom door he started starring at
I said, "What's wrong?" Then he replied, "Well. as you're rather stout
I was thinking what an awkward door for getting the coffin out.

The other night when I got home I knocked and knocked and knocked
I rang and rang and rang and gave the front door a bang
But no one answered me at all, so there, amongst the flowers
I sat for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours
Then the night began to fall. I sat there in dismay
Till Mary Ann, my sister, cried, "Your wife has been taken away."
"She's gone with peritonitis in a cab" said Mary Ann
I said "Well, fancy, going with him, a dirty old ice-cream man."
Performed by Sam Mayo (1875-1938)
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