You will sing in praise of soldiers and of sailors
You will toast them and you'll drink to their good health
But you never think of toasting a night watchman
So he has to make a fire and toast himself
Of course I know the boys are very useful
I quite agree that soldiers guard yer land
I realise that yer sailors guard yer ocean
But who is it guards yer drain-pipes and yer sand
If it were not for such as me when late at night you stroll
You'd often find yourselves in, well, a very nasty hole.

Chorus: Only a poor night watchman. Only a poor old soul
Burning the midnight oil and burning the rate-payers coal
Drink to the poor night watchman, when you've a real good thirst
Just raise your glass, but before you drink,
Pass it to the watchman first.

I have given satisfaction to the Council
Well, to give you some idea what I mean
Yesterday they had me up before a meeting
And the Chairman said, 'Ah, come in Mr Green
We're very pleased with you, Green, as a watchman
We're very pleased to see how well your work you heed.'
I said, 'I'm very pleased that you are pleased, Sir.'
He said, 'Yes Green, we are very pleased indeed
In fact we're more than pleased, Green, your worth we realise.'
I said, 'Well, while we're all so pleased, sir, what about a rise?'

Performed by Sam Mayo (1875-1938)
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