Now Here's An Important Case

NOW HERE'S AN IMPORTANT CASE

Just to be brief, allow me to state,
I'm a Barrister, tho' my fame isn't great
Big-wigs, judges and K.C.s I could shift from their places
I would knock 'em all dumb if they'd let me have my say
Now, here's a lot of ticklish points I must argue out today,

Now here's an important case which would drive any man to drink
I've got to prove in a logical way that winkles are bound to wink.

Reply: Are winkles obliged to wink?
Is a question I'll try to answer
A winkle can wink if it likes to try
For when a winkle winks, it's high
A winkle's a simple thing
If I'm allowed to tell
Why must a winkle wink
Of course, because a winkle shell.

Now, here's an important case to go before Justice Gabbs
I've got to prove in a logical way that cabbages ride in cabs.

Reply: Do cabbages ride in cabs?
Is a question I'll try to answer
They all can af-ford-er cab - as you've seen
That cabbages are mostly green
When cabbages go to pot
The cabby seldom grieves
For cabby's-talk the cabbage stumps
And then the cabbage leaves.

Now, here's an important case that would make any parson grin
I've got to prove in a logical way a cinder is full of sin.

Reply: Are cinders compelled to sin?
Is a question I'll try to answer
A cinder's a burnt piece of coal or wood
And not the slightest bit of good
When cinders fall from the fire
We open our dustbins
And, since the cinder's useless, why
We put the cinders in.

Now, here's an important case which no one can understand
I've got to prove in a logical way a sandwich is made of sand.

Reply: Are sandwiches made of sand?
Is a question I'll try to answer
Some folks say they are, and some say they ham
A railway sandwich makes us 'jam'
A sandwich we go to bite
But if it's second hand
We can't tell which is sand-wich meat
Or bread, or which is sand.

Now, here's an important case which concerns both the young and old
I've got to prove in a logical way that soldiers are always sold.

Reply: Are soldiers the men who're sold
Is a question I'll try to answer
A soldier is told when he goes to war
A life of glory is in store
A soldier's the Empire's pride
Until he's worn and old
And when he expects his just reward
'Tis then the soldier's sold.

Written and composed by Harry Leighton - 1903

Performed by Tom Woottwell (1865-1941)