All young girls who want to 'splice',
Listen to some good advice,
I'm a chap who knows a thing or two,
I'll tell you what to doodle-oodle-oo!
When you're courting a nice young man,
Be careful! Oh! beware!
When you're both nice and cosy,
Sitting in the old arm-chair.

Chorus: Oh, girls if he wants to kiss you,
Never, never, never say 'No'
Let him hug, let him squeeze,
Do everything to please.
It only shows that he loves you;
Help him all you can,
Hold him tight, that's all right,
He'll make you a nice old man!

When you ask him home to tea,
Introduce your fam-i-lee.
All sit down till supper-time is near,
Then he'll say, "I'll go and get the beer."
When he knocks at the front street door,
Go and let him in,
P'r'aps you'll see two lips pouting lips
In between his nose and chin.


When your young man takes you out;
He'll get spoony, I've no doubt,
P'r'aps you won't feel really up to it,
But still you must put up with it a bit.
Take from him all the love you can,
Before it's time to wed;
Chances are you won't get much
After you are mar.ri.ed.


Written and composed by Fred Murray & Fred Leigh - 1901
Performed by Charles Foster (1854-1913)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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