Up to your waist in water, up to your eyes in slush
Using the kind of language that makes the Sergeant blush
Who wouldn't join the army? That's what we all enquire.
Don't we pity the poor civilians sitting beside the fire.

Chorus: Oh it's a lovely war
Who wouldn't be a soldier eh?
Oh, it's a shame to take the pay
As soon as 'reveille' has gone
We feel just heavy as lead
But we never get up till the Sergeant brings
Our breakfast up to bed
Oh! Oh! It's a lovely war
What do we want with eggs and ham?
When we've got plum and apple jam
Form fours! Right turn!
How shall we spend the money we earn?
Oh! Oh! It's a lovely war.

When does a soldier grumble? When does he make a fuss?
No one is more contented in all the world than us
Oh, it's a cushy life boys, really we love it so
Once a fellow was sent on leave and simply refused to go.


Come to the cook-house door, boys, sniff at the lovely stew
Who is that says the Colonel gets better grub than you?
Any complaints this morning? Do we complain? Not we
What's the matter with lumps of onion floating around the tea?

Written and composed by J.P. Long & Maurice Scott - 1917
Performed by Ella Shields (1879-1952)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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