I'm told there is a blissful spot,
A kingdom of the free,
Where folks no rates or taxes pay,
And bailiffs never see.
They've neither jails or magistrates,
To interfer or quiz,
I long to view this paradise,
So if you know where it is,

Chorus: Oh! take me there. Oh! take me there,
If you will I'll soon be on the track.
Oh! take me there, I'll raise the fare,
Take me there please and never bring me back.

The people dwell in perfect peace,
And nightly sleep at ease,
They're ne'er disturbed by howling dogs
Or lively 'Jenny Lees'.
No organ-grinders there exist,
Nor babies blessed with lungs,
And what is even stranger still,
The women have no tongues.


They lead such lives of jollity,
And make no end of tin,
And if by chance they back a horse,
That gee-gee's sure to win.
No Sunday closing there exists,
But in each pub, all day,
To all their thirsty customers,
They give the drink away.


With dainty dishes rich and rare,
Their mouths they daily fill,
Of doctors bills there's nought to fear,
'Cos no-one's ever ill.
Unknown are breach of promise suits,
For there no lawyer thrives,
And every single man's allowed,
To have a dozen wives.

Written and composed by A.E. Ellis & A.E. Durandeau - 1894
Performed by W.P. Dempsey
Performed by Charles E. Stevens (1854-1910)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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