Just lately my nerves have been all of an edge
So I told Phebe Brooks I was signing the pledge
Said Phebe, "Oh really, I'll come round with you
I do want to be a teetotaller I do"
When we got to the place Phebe said with a grin
"We'll just have a last one before we go in"
So we went in the Old Apple Tree
That's a pub in the locality
And there we had one, then we went on to The Sun
And we had some; it might have been three,
Then we went in the Peacock and Pea
And any old place we could see
Then we had several more in a pub called The Boar
And went back to the Old Apple Tree,

Just as I felt a bit merry and proud
I lost little Phebe somewhere in the crowd
I looked in the King's Head; I looked in the Queen,
But no, not a sign of that puss could be seen
Thinks I ‘she's gone off. Yes, she's gone for a walk'
But I couldn't find her in the Duchess of York
So I went in the Old Apple Tree
And there she was looking for me
She'd a sailor's hat on and was singing a song
About ‘Sailor's beware of the sea'
So I joined in the gay harmony
And we sang like two birds on a tree
But two policemen about, both escorted us out
Through the doors of the Old Apple Tree,

I said to Phebe, "I feel a bit queer
My head's going around" Said she "So's mine old dear
So don't ask me, Clarice, to have any more
For my knees are wobbling all over the floor
We'd best to go home while we're safe and alright
As we're not going to join the teetotallers tonight"
So we went in the Old Apple Tree
And the barman kept looking at me
He Said, "Well, I'm sure, haven't we met before?"
I said "Yes, in the Monkey and Flea"
So we left and went in a cafe
And had muffins and crumpets and tea
Then, safe and alright, we shook hands, said good night
And went back in the Old Apple Tree.
Written and composed by Harry Castling & McGee
Performed by Lily Morris (1882-1952)
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