There is an ancient party at the other end of town,
He keeps a little grocery store and the ancient's name is Brown;
He has a lovely daughter, such a treat I never saw,
Oh, I only hope someday to be the old man's son-in-law.

Chorus: Old Brown's daughter is a proper sort of girl,
Old Brown's daughter is as fair as any pearl;
I wish I was a Lord Mayor, Marquis, or an Earl,
And blow me if I wouldn't marry Old Brown's girl.

Old Brown sells from off the shelf most anything you please,
He's got Jew's harps for the little boys, lollipops, and cheese;
His daughter minds the store, and it's a treat to see her serve,
I'd like to run away with her, but I don't have the nerve.


Well Poor Old Brown now has trouble with the gout,
He grumbles in his little parlour when he can't get out;
And when I make a purchase and she hands me the change,
That girl she makes me pulverised, I feel so very strange.


Miss Brown she smiles so sweetly when I say a tender word,
But Old Brown says that she must wed a Marquis or a Lord;
Well, I don't suppose it's ever one of those things I will be,
But, by jingo, next election I will run for Trinity.

SPOKEN - I shall then get in the House which is only next door to the Senate. 'Who'll vote for Scroggings?' 'Scroggings for Representative''Scroggings for ever!'' Scroggings the working man's friend' 'Down with taxes and up with Scroggings' 'Scroggings votes for everything'. I think I'd stand a chance. Anyhow, I shouldnt be the only muff in the House and then I should be the happy owner of...


Written and composed by by G.W. Hunt - 1878
Performed by Alfred Vance (1838-1888)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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