A night or two ago my wife and I
Had supper with the Duke of York
We stayed there late and lost our bus,
So home we had to walk
But we couldn't get in when we got to the door,
And it fair gave me the 'knock'
So I went round the back to the garden wall
And quickly got the 'old dutch clock'

Chorus: On top, on top, But I thought my heart was about to stop
For all of a sudden she gave a yell
Down with a wallop on the ground she fell
Poor old soul! for her it was 'no cop'
Her face went pale through sitting on a nail
That was sticking in the wall on top.

If anybody's got a lovely wife
That wife belongs to me
Her face is just that kind of face
That does you good to see
Such a beautiful mouth, like a railway arch
And a champion sort of nose
You could see in a jiff what a 'beak' she's got
If it wasn't for the wart that grows.

Chorus: On top, on top, It looks like a lamp in a doctor's shop
In a beauty show she could win first place
If she could only get a different face
Oh, what a wart! it's like a raspberry drop
She's got bunches of hair growing up just there
Like a little mush-e-room on top.

I never shall forget one day last week
I had such a lump of luck
I had to move, so packed my things
On a little greengrocer's truck
When I got 'em all on I remarked to the wife
'Come along my darling Sal
It's along way to walk, so I'll give you a ride.'
And I lifted my old gal -

Chorus: On top, on top, It gave me the pip-pip-pipperty-pop
I'd almost got to my new abode
When bang went the lot in the middle of the road
Laugh - oh lor! I thought I never should stop
For there was Sal in the gutter, poor gal
With the happy little home on top.

I'm living in a lively house just now
I am getting on there fine
A big fat girl from Barnum's lives
In the room just over mine
But she got so fat that the floor gave way
And it's awfully sad to tell
I was just looking up as the girl came through
And she knocked me down and fell.

Chorus: On top, on top, She dropped on me with a terrible flop
She tried to get up, but dear, oh lor
She weighed a quarter of a ton - p'r'aps more
When help arrived, I was very near going off pop
My poor old face was knocked out of place
With the fat girl sitting on top.
Written and composed by Fred W. Leigh - 1899
Performed by Harry Champion (1865-1942)
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