It's very, very hard when all that you can say
Is Oo-Diddley-oo-diddley-oodle-oodle-oo;
I really once did know a man who was built that way,
With his Oo-Diddley-oo-diddley-oodle-oodle-oo.
He always was in trouble, for his tongue was twisted double,
Out his words would bubble bubble, what he meant nobody knew,
And the people round about would sarcastically shout,

Chorus: Oo-Diddley-oo-diddley-oodle-oodle-oo
It was always on his brain,
This most peculiar strain,

He got boozed and hauled before the magistrate the other day,
They asked him what he meant by it and all that he could say,
Was 'Oo-Diddley-oo-diddley-oodle-oodle-oo.'
So they fined him forty shillings, 'cos the copper he'd been 'milling'
Swore that he intended killing him, he'd kicked him black and blue.
Said he, 'My Lord, I'm sure I don't know what the fine is for.'
They said, 'It's for Oo-Diddley-oo-diddley-oodle-oodle-oo.'

Chorus: Oo-Diddley-oo-diddley-oodle-oodle-oo
So they give him six months hard,
And slung him down the yard,
For his Oo-Diddley-oo-diddley-oodle-oodle-oo

The first week of marriage it is utter, utter bliss,
But when a year has passed away, your cooing sounds like this,
While the wife is soundly snoring, the baby keeps on roaring,
And the sweat from you is pouring, as 'sentry go' you do.
And the more you sing 'bye-byes' the more the baby cries,
With it's Oo-Diddley-oo-diddley-oodle-oodle-oo.

Chorus: Oo-Diddley-oo-diddley-oodle-oodle-oo
While the wife is sound asleep,
You are on your 'plates of meat',
Singing Oo-Diddley-oo-diddley-oodle-oodle-oo.

There's a pious lot of folk about, who roll their eyes and sing,
And they tell us that it's wrong to indulge in anything,
There's Pecksniff and Mr. Stiggins, who consign you to the 'Dickens'
For your sins and for your swiggings, if you take a glass or two,
But catch 'em on the sly; when they fancy no-one's nigh,
And it's Oo-Diddley-oo-diddley-oodle-oodle-oo.

Chorus: Oo-Diddley-oo-diddley-oodle-oodle-oo
They say they'll put down drink,
So they will, what do you think',

Written and composed by Harry Starr - 1893 - Arranged by Henry E. Pether
Performed by Arthur W. Rigby (1865-1944)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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