I've got a wife, pride of my life
I must confess we're fond of one another
There is one mistake we often make
Like other women she has got a Mother
The other day, she came to stay
My wife said it was just a friendly call
I'm like a mouse, she bosses the house
There ain't no getting rid of her at all.

Chorus: My wife's mother is a dear old soul
To get rid of her I've tried a new invention
My motive it is clear, I call her 'Mamma dear'
And other things too numerous to mention.

I'm fond of a stall at the Music Hall
Where I often go to sit and smoke at ease
Where lovely girls with golden curls
At four and six a bottle if you please
The other night I got a fright
I thought I'd get 'em again, the truth confessing
A lady the rage on the Alhambra stage
Went up in the air undressing.

Chorus: This charming young lady was really very nice
This 'undressing game' is quite a new invention
She took off her coat and hat, her skirt and things like that
And other things too numerous to mention.

A lady fair near Leicester Square
Came sailing by this morning on a bicycle
I raised my tile, and gave a smile
And got a look that froze me like an icicle
I walked away, to my dismay
I felt a thud and then I heard a yell
I turned around, she was on the ground
I admit that awkwardly she fell.

Chorus: I saw her lovely form go flying through the air
To laugh at her was not my real intention
Her legs were out of place, I saw frills and bits of lace
And other things too numerous to mention.
Performed by Mark Sheridan (1867-1918)
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