(Spoken.) Programme of the Concert. No charge for admission, but a silver collection will be made during the interval by several well-known, professional ladies in appropriate costume.
(Reading programme.) What are the wild waves saying? Oh! dem golden slippers!
Up I came with my little lot, Just before the battle, mother! The boy stood on the burning' deck. He wore a worried look.
The Rose, Thistle, and Shamrock. That Is Love. In the dear Homeland!
Look at her crinoline! Fighting with the 7th Royal Fusiliers.
Ye shepherds, tell me? Has anyone seen a moving job?
Oh! Mr Porter! It makes you careful, doesn't it? Ask a p'liceman.
Maggie Murphy's home! Nobody knows what trouble was there. All thro' sticking to a soldier.
He's got ten thousand a year. I could do could do could do could do could do with a bit!
The minstrel boy to the war is gone. All through a little bit of bacon.
They're a job lot! We give 'em away in our Society! Down at the Welsh Harp, which is Hendon way.

Refrain: Of course, we couldn't tolerate such songs upon the stage
We take the compositions as they are
Though at times we may abuse them
Our surroundings will excuse them
And they're quite a big success at our Bazaar.

Of course we couldn't countenance frivolities Like these,
But Church and Stage are hej'e upon a par,
And to quote the words selected,
By a Serio much respected,
We fairly "take the bun" at our Bazaar!

(Spoken through music, as if receiving visitors.) So pleased to see you! Just arrived? Lady Violet's Jumble Stall? Over there, close to the Dowager's Art towel horses! Programme? Delighted! Half crown, quite right. Oh we never give any change. My dear Count, been making some purchases? What a duck of a kettle-holder! You don't say. Only three guineas, how ridiculously cheap! My dear, Miss Smith. Lady Curling Irons (introduction) Charmed, I'm sure. Cafe chantant? No, it hasn't started yet. Eh? oh yes, the dear man's here. Is he going to sing 'The little coster dona'? I believe so. Where did you say you heard him? Oh, get you a seat? With pleasure, allow me. Oh! there's plenty of time. He can't begin without me. I'm going to play his accompaniments for him on the harmonium.

Exit to music.