Who give happy, happy evenings for the poor
To a dirty worn-out shed that's full of wind and rain and rats
We invite our wretched victims thro' the door
On the cutain is an advert from an undertaker's shop
Reading, 'Funerals are cheap - make haste and die,'
And the chairs are all three-legged, the hall keeper is a man
Quite a skeleton, and has a big boss eye.
Chorus: At our happy, happy evenings for the poor
We like to make them weep and wail and roar
When our faces fall down wallop
You'd think we'd been talking 'Jallop'
At our happy, happy evenings for the poor.
Once a year we take our people to the seaside for a day
Well - that is, we walk to Barking Creek and back
And we let them sniff the ozone and then paddle in the waves
And they go in white, and come out lovely black
At our concerts we have vocalists who cannot sing for nuts
And they fairly makes the people howl with pain
And if any singer sings a song particularly bad
Then we make him sing it over twice again.
Chorus: At our happy, happy evenings for the poor
We like to make them weep and wail and roar
At our room - now, I'm not chaffing
It is death to be caught laughing
At our happy, happy evenings for the poor.
Oh! we had a stirring lecture upon miocrobes in your food
Then we had an entertainment for the young
It consisted of the Dead March and a dioramic view
Of a gay and careless drunkard being hung
Then we gathered all the starving ones upon a snowy night
And we lectured them on gluttony and greed
Then refreshed them with dog biscuits and cold water from the pump
And gave tracts away to those that couldn't read.
Chorus: At our happy, happy evenings for the poor
We like to make them weep and wail and roar
Of humbugs there are many, but you'll find the worst of any
At our happy, happy evenings for the poor.
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