The 'ouse that I live in is 'aunted,
I've 'eard funny noises of late.
Oh, one evening in the back-kitchen I'll swear,
I saw a man's shadow so clearly there.
When I called the wife she said 'Oh, it's a ghost,
And you'd better get off to bed.
Keep out of 'is way, don't let 'im see you,
At every man that he looks, drops dead!'
I'm terrified out of my life,
I'd leave the 'ouse but for the wife.

Our 'ouse is 'aunted,
I'm sure there's a ghost in the 'ouse.
One night death-like silence was 'eard all about,
To make matters worse all the lights, they went out.
The wife said to me, 'Off to bed
And I'll see if I can't find the ghost.'
She went in the pantry, 'Don't move!' someone said,
Then I 'eard things like knives,
Being sharpened, I turned red.
When a voice said, 'Where is 'e?'
I fell out of bed...
Oh, I wish we were rid of the ghost.

Performed by George Formby Senior (1877-1921)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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