A very pious Parson Jones, was mashed upon the Cook
The Cookie was a maiden fair with quite a modest look
The mistress for a trip had gone to Brighton for the day
And when the cat's away you know the mice will always play
The Parson kissed the Cookie, as he took her on his knee
The parrot hanging in the cage their capers there could see
The Cookie found a pot of Jam and placed it in the cage
To draw the bird's attention while in kissing they engage.

Chorus: The parrot in the cage was in a dreadful rage
The Parson had the Cookie on his knee
Each other they did chaff, which made the Parson laugh
The parrot shouted 'What a spree'
They tickled, and they teased, they canoodled and they squeezed
He said, 'You are my darling little lamb,'
She kissed him once or twice, said the Parson, 'This is nice.'
And the parrot shouted 'Jam, jam, jam.'

Now this very artful parrot for their courting did not care
And as they went on spooning, she began to rave and swear
The Parson said, 'You naughty bird,' the Cookie turned quite red
And as they sat the parrot dropped the jam pot on his head
He fastened up the cage door, and in a temper flew
Then placed a cloth around the cage to hide them from her view
Poll shouted 'Thieves and murder' just because she couldn't see
And once again the Parson took the Cook upon his knee.


The mistress home returning quickly guessed what they'd been at
For on the kitchen table was her pious husband's hat
Poor Cookie only stammered and with fear turned very pale
As Polly let the secret out, and added to the tale
The mistress sent her off, then asked poor Jones what he'd to say
He only begged for mercy as he tried to run away
She tore his hair and whiskers, till a faint he had to sham
So ne'er will he forget the Cook, the parrot, and the Jam.

Performed by Vesta Tilley (1864-1952)
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