I jumped inside a bus today, was much annoyed to find
That when the man came for the fares I'd left my purse behind
The passengers all rudely stared and oh, I did turn red
The conductor rang the bell, and then he turned to me and said,

Chorus: It's alright, quite alright
And the way he spoke to me was most polite
He didn't rave or cuss, there was not the slightest fuss
He said, 'Just get off the bus. It's alright.'

A ruffian once insulted me, 'You vagabond,' said I
'You've brought this on yourself, you have, I'll fight you till I die.'
We scrapped and scrapped and then he scrapped. It really was a scrap
And when my pal gave me a sponge, 'I said, 'My dear old chap,

Chorus: 'It's alright, quite alright
But there doesn't seem to be a lot of light
That ruffian's won no doubt
And I've lost two teeth in the bout
But I was going there about, so it's alright.'

A friend of mine invited me to go out for a row
He said, 'I'll pay.' I said, 'Hooray.' We hired a boat and so
While changing seats so sad to tell, my friend fell in the sea
He couldn't swim, I knew he'd drown, although he said to me,

Chorus: It's alright,quite alright
He went down quite then came up like a kite
And with the last breath in his throat, these final words did quote,
'I shall not pay for the boat, it's alright.'

The man who runs the bathing huts at Shingleton-by Sea
Is quite a decent sort. The other day he said to me,
''Ere 'ave a look through thispeep-'ole. The sight is simply fine.'
I answered, 'Though I'm much obliged, your offer I decline.'

Chorus: 'It's alright,quite alright
And your offer is exceedingly polite
But to pry I never care, of such sights I've had my share
That's my missis dressing there, so it's alright.'

Performed by George Robey (1869-1954)
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