I'm a bloke who's had some trouble, lots of ups and downs I've seen.
I could almost write a novel about the different things I've seen.
Now I deals in left off garments, here who'll buy this old dress coat?
Once a masher used to wear it, when he used to act the goat.
Once he was the pride of ladies, and their waists he used to squeeze.
Often to some rich young heiress he would go down on his knees.

Chorus: For he was a masher, a regular toff.
A la-di-da as you'll suppose.
A regular mash, who hadn't much cash.
And that's what I found in his second hand clothes.
(produces a pawn ticket)

Put that down then, nobody wants it, now then what do you say to this?
There's a lovely garment for you. that's a racing coat that is.
Once it mingled with the bookies at each popular resort.
And the cove who used to wear it clearly loved a bit of sport.
But my dear, once down at Epsom, someone overheard his name.
And that someone, a detective, went and bowled his little game.

Chorus: For he was a welsher. a regular crook.
A wrong'un as you'll suppose.
The public he'd spoof, he'd collar their 'oof.
And that's what I found in his second hand clothes.
(produces 3 card trick)

(Produces work house jacket with medals pinned on breast)

'Ere's a coat that's got a history, I shan't offer it for sale.
I shall keep it for inspection, so that I may tell the tale.
Who do you imagine wore It? Don't think I'm a telling lies.
'Tis a fact my dear, tis really, though you'll hear it with surprise.
Once the man who used to wear it, fought hard by his colonel's side.
Tho' a Balaclava hero, in that pauper's coat he died

Chorus: For he was a veteran, a warrior bold.
A hero as you may suppose,
For his country he bled, yet he died wanting bread.
And that's what I found in his second hand clothes.
(produces nothing)

Bet you know who this garment belongs to, him who buys this has a catch.
'Ere's a nobby garment for you, collar too as well, to match.
Once this frock coat ornamented one of England's greatest men.
Straight there isn't one to touch 'im, either with the tongue or pen.
Never mind how I came by it, at his house I often call.
And the gent who used to wear it, is well known to one and all.

Chorus: For he is a statesman, a clever old man.
A grand old man as you'll suppose.
And in Ireland today, he'll have his own way.
And that's what I found in his second hand clothes.
(produces home rule bill)
Written and composed by Norton Atkins & A.E. Durandeau
Performed by W.P. Dempsey
From Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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