I'm strong willed you can see. No one can master me
That's what I used to think until the day I met Matilda
She found me in the park and though I dodged her round a tree
She knocked me over among the clover
And she murmured, 'Kiss your honey-bee.'

Chorus: I said I wouldn't give Matilda Jane a kiss
She made me do it
She said, 'You've got to purse your lips like this'
She made me do it
She said you've got to bill and coo and do what other lovers do
I said I wouldn't. I said I wouldn't
She said, 'You've got to cuddle
Or I'll drop you straight into a puddle.'
Then she said, 'Just put your arm around my back.' Some back.
And gee her waist was like a cycle track, poor Jack
Then she took him home and, at the garden gate
All the family shouted in a dreadful state
'You've gone and kept Matilda out till half past eight
You'll have to do it, you'll have to do it
You'll have to do it now'

She fixed my wedding day, I said I'll keep away
I laid in bed that morning, but Matilda came to fetch me
She dashed into my room. 'This is our wedding day' she cried
The bells are ringing, the choir is singing
And the barrow's waiting just outside.

Chorus: I said I wouldn't put my wedding trousers on
She made me do it
I had to wash my pretty face until it shone
She made me do it
At the church the parson sighed
'Now will you make this girl your bride?'
I said I wouldn't. I said I wouldn't
I hollered out for Mamma, then they tapped me with a hammer
And when I woke up again the parson said 'You're wed.'
And as I walked the aisle with feeble tread, half dead
I said, 'Mother wants me, I must run away
I'll take you on your honey-moon another day'
She pushed me in the barrow and said, 'Nay, John, Nay'
You've got to do it, you've got to do it,
You've got to do it now'
Performed by Jack Pleasants (1874-1924)
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