A certain girl once courted me called Mary Ann Maloney
Who simply talked of nothing else but love and matrimony
And tho' I often told her that to marry would not suit me
She swore unless I named the day, she'd have revenge and shoot me.

Chorus: She stood behind the parlour door, then began to lock it
Glared at me. looked at the key, and placed it in her pocket
Held a pistol near my nose, gave a tiny snigger
And swore unless I married her that she would pull the trigger.

While she stood there arms in hand, I pictured my poor mother
And thought with grief the many times I'd whacked my little brother
I closed my eyes, sank on my knees, Oh, how I craved for pardon
Expecting every moment to be blown into the garden.


'Marry me,' said she, 'Or else this weapon I will use it.'
I said, 'My dear, if that's your love, I really must refuse it
Fire away whene'er you like,' but lor, how I did shiver
Said she, 'Consent or in a trice, I'll pop it through your liver!'


I rushed and seized her tiny hand, but all my strength was needed
I tried to grasp the weapon, and at last I just succeeded
And oh, the joy I felt to think, the thing had not exploded
But when I came to look, I found the darn'd thing wasn't loaded.

Performed by Harry Freeman 1858-1922)
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