When stricken first with Cupid's blindness
(Sweet desire for woman's love)
I sought a maid whose gentle kindness
Might remind me of a dove
Soon I met a strong built charmer
On her 'left' I placed the ring
Oh, ye gods, pray do disarm her
Of that 'left' I feel the sting

Chorus: She comes home tight on Saturday night
And tumbled me over with left and right
She thumps me here and she thumps me there
She will have a lock of my auburn hair
The world is wide and she's too good for me
Farewell, my bride, I'm off across the sea.

I'd never known my wife's relations
Who they were or what they did
Knew nothing of their avocations
Was I not a silly kid?
Soon the knowledge came - a cruncher
When her pa was introduced
He was London's leading puncher
Gamest chicken on the roost.


My pa-in-law soon tried to 'touch' me
Fifty quid was his demand
But, failing that he tried to crush me
In the old way - with his hand
Fired by her dad's example
My wife thenceforth followed suit
This dark eye is one bright sample
Of my matrimonial fruit.

Performed by Tom Costello (1863-1943)
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