You've heard about my sister Jane's top note
Well, I'm sorry to inform you that it's cracked
She was singing at a hall, and tried to get it off her chest
It was a dismal frost, and she was sacked
So now she's took to dancing with her slippers full of feet
In the front row of the ballet she's the pick
It ain't so much her dancing that upsets our apple cart
But it's the nasty 'orrid way she's learnt to kick.

Chorus: All the house is upside down now
Everybody's got the sick
Mother's got the hump, Father's off his chump
The old Dutch clock won't tick
Mary Jane she kicks like thunder
She'll kick us all to somewhere quick
Everything's broke up, from the mangle to the pup
With sister Jane's high kick.

When her voice was dislocated, then she went and took a job
At a linen draper's shop in Saffron Hill
Her wages weren't no 'cop', for she only got ten bob
Ten shillings and a run upon the till
One day the shop was empty, and she thought she try her luck
But Jane was slow - the master, he was quick
He caught her stealing onions, with her hand inside the till
He kicked her out - since then she's learnt to kick.

Chorus: All the house is upside down now
Everybody's got the sick
Baby's learnt to swear, Mother doesn't care
Father's like old Nick
Mary Jane she kicks at breakfast
Dinner, tea, but at supper she'll stick
Round the town she bikes, runs over who she likes
Since Mary Jane has learnt to kick.

Not only on the stage does Mary Jane kick up
But she's kicking up a bother all the day
Says the butter isn't fit to eat, it's just like eating mud
Kicks our old hen because it will not lay
She powders, and she paints her face in such an artful way
She's going to have her picture on 'Pears Soap'
Her golden hair cost four-and-six, her waist it is so small
No wonder, when she pulls it in with rope.

Chorus: All at home is upside down now
All our things are got on tick
Our furniture's on hire - Pa sits by the fire
Smokes till he is sick
Mother's got a brand new dress now
Made of stuff called 'More-on-tick'
Jane has got a dude - and we have limelight on the food
With sister Mary Jane's high kick.

A Dukelet of the dudelet got mashed on Mary Jane
His escutcheon dated back a million years
Visions of a sealskin brougham, and diamonds in her teeth
Came up before her, still she had her fears
But when she told her mother of the offer she'd received
Said she in classic words, 'Jane, cop him quick.'
And so she did - he married her- she's now a lady grand
But she's hoping soon the bucket he will kick.

Chorus: All the house is upside down now
All call us the guilded clique
Father Parlez Vous, talks about Toulouse
Mother sings in Greek
All the house is ornamented with bric-a-brac
And dadoes on a stick
Pa goes shooting grouse, there's a mortgage on the house
Since Mary Jane has learnt to kick.
Performed by Louie Freear (1873-1939)
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