A handsom cabman said, 'Look here'
To policeman who was standing near
'I've driven a gent from Regent street
And he's left a baby on the seat.'
'That's all right,' said the policeman bold
'Lost property you cannot hold
Go to Scotland Yard and explain the cause
And if it isn't claimed - well the baby's yours.

A mouse into a milkshop ran
And fell into a large milk can
Chock full of milk. he was nearly drowned
So he did the sidestroke round and round.
Do you want to know the reason why
Well that mouse was far too cute to die
So in the milk he swam about
Churned it into butter, and then walked out.

A fond papa with looks of joy
Showed a candid friend his baby boy
He was full of pride, as fathers are
And he proudly asked, 'ain't he like his Pa?'
'Everyone says he's just like me'
Then his friend replied 'yes, it's plain to see
That he's got your face and he's got it pat
But I shouldn't fret, he'll grow out of that.'

A man received this wire one day
'Your mother-in-law has passed away'
So the torment of his life had fled
Then farther on the message read
'Will you please instruct, which do you prefer
Shall we embalm, cremate or bury her?'
So he sent them back this answer brisk
'Do all three at once please, take no risk.'
Performed by R. G. Knowles (1858-1919)
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