Just list to my story, believe every word
Though what I shall tell seems a trifle absurd
I'm aware that at present I look far from grand
And yet I have mixed with the best in the land
A few hours ago I was England's first man
And lived like a Lord on Society's plan
Your lords and your ladies my company sought
And yet what a great change a few hours have brought.

Chorus: At twelve o'clock with Lady de Vere
I went trotting my horse round Hyde Park
At one and two I'd a lot to do
Helping Lord Roberts the troops to review
From three to six I spoke in Parliament
All kinds of things I said
At seven I married an heiress
And at eight I fell out of bed.

I dined with King Edward, I dined with the Queen
At all the big banquets I always was seen
I was just on my way to a spread when I woke
To find I was starving, and, worse, I was broke
Oh, cruel are the fates for to play tricks like these
Now, why can't we sleep and wake up when we please?
To stand on a racecourse and see your horse win
And then to wake up before you draw your tin.


My old friend the Marquis, he called upon me
And both of us had such a jolly fine spree
When I think of the money I spent on champagne
It makes me wish that I could dream once again
No more with the King down the Mall will I stroll
The next place I stroll to, will be, up the pole
It's turning my brain for to think that I'm broke
Why, the quids I'd have had if I hadn't woke.

Performed by J.W. Rickaby (1869-1929)
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