List to me while I tell you of
The Spaniard that blighted my life. Ah, Ah, Ah,
List to me while I tell you of
The man that pinched my future wife. Ah
“Twas at the bullfight that we met him
We'd been watching his daring display
And while I'd gone out for some nuts and a programme
The dirty dog stole her away, Oh yes (Oh yes) Oh yes (Oh yes)
But I've sworn to have my revenge.

Chorus: If I catch Alphonse Spagone the toreador, Ah, Ah, Ah,
With a mighty swipe I will dislocate his bally jaw
Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah,
I'll fight the bullfighter I will (He will)
And when I catch the bounder, the blighter I'll kill
He shall die (He shall die). He shall die (I'll kill him)
He shall die tid-dly-i-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti
He shall die, he shall die
For I'll raise a bunion on his Spanish onion
If I catch him bending tonight.

Yes, when I catch Spagoni he will wish that he'd never been born
Ah, Ah, Ah,
And for this special reason my stiletto I've fetched out of porn
It cost me five shillings to fetch it
This expense it has caused me much pain
But the pawnbroker's promised when I've killed Spagoni
He'll take it in pawn once again, Oh yes (Oh yes) Oh yes (Oh yes)
So tonight there will be dirty work.


I tracked him to London and he gave me the slip once again
Ah, Ah, Ah,
And they told me this morning, that he'd doubled and gone back to Spain
But whatever it costs me I'll catch him
Then no more he will give me the slip
With my last one and nine pence on Sunday
I'm going to Spain by the Sunday League Trip,
Oh yes (Oh yes) Oh yes (Oh yes)
And then the dark deed will be done.

Written, composed and performed by Billy Merson (1881-1947)
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