Most of us have got responsibilities, you know
Some are very big, some are small
Now little Mister Jones one day was riding in a bus
When all at once the rain began to fall
A lady rather stout you know, looked in to find a seat
There wasn't one so Jones, the silly kid, said
'Weally, I'd be charmed if you would sit upon my lap'
She flopped and he was sorry that she did.

Chorus: Talk about a big responsibilty, It upset his tranquility
Every time she moved he gave a little gulp
His poor legs felt like turning into pulp
He tried to treat the lady with civility
But the effort it was all in vain
When at last he left the bus,
People saw him standing thus
I don't believe he'll take it on again.

Father did rather silly thing the other night
He got an invitation, you must know
To be present at a Ball, and, though he hasn't danced for years
Poor Dad at once decided he would go
Upon the fatal evening when his dress suit he put on
I thought the trouser fitted him too soon
But he got on immensely till lady dropped her fan
And he stooped to pick it up - the silly coon.

Chorus: Talk about a big responsibilty, It upset his tranquility
In about a jiff evrybody laughed
And soon - oh dear, poor Father felt a draught
He vanished with remarkable agility
For he couldn't very well remain
I cannot, upon my word tell exactly what happened
But he'll never put those trouser on again.

Johnny Brown decided that a top-hat he would wear
'They look the thing' so everybody said
And, after long reflection, Johnny purchased one last week
On Sunday, there it was upon his head
He felt a little nervous as he strolled along the street
The 'topper' seemed to stretch about a mile
His eyes were fixed in front of him- he didn't dare to wink
And his thoughts were fixed entirely on his 'tile'.

Chorus: Talk about a big responsibilty
It upset his tranquility
Further down the street - near a butter shop
In a box of eggs he tumbled with a flop
He didn't speak the language of civility
And to add to all the poor chap's pain
His top-hat rolled away underneath a brewer's dray
And he'll never, never take it on again.

Jimmy Bloggs had been a 'slop' for many, many years
Criminals were all afraid of him
The burglars and garotters always used to give him best
They couldn't take a liberty with Jim
At last he left the force, and later on he took a job
At a theatre, and got a decent wage
His duties were to keep the ballet ladies nice and quiet
When they were not required upon the stage.

Chorus: Talk about a big responsibilty
It upset his tranquility
What a lovely job - pleasant for his 'nibs'
They pulled his whiskers and poked him in the ribs
So he hurried to the Guv'nor with agility
And he told him he could not remain
Said he couldn't stand their cheek not for fifty quid a week
Would he take the situation on again.

Auntie Jane's a lady with a lively kind of way
She took me to a fair one afternoon
Where, by planking down a tanner, you could take a little trip
In a rather unreliable balloon
Although my Aunt is very fat she meant to have a ride
But the notion made me feel peculiar
For the ropes and tackle didn't look particularly strong
And I thought as she went upward in the car, well,

Chorus: Talk about a big responsibilty, It upset my tranquility
For the bottom of the car gave way and, 'pon my soul
Poor auntie's legs came sticking through the hole
They were kicking with remarkable agility
She was making quite a hit, that's plain
For the people down below, were delighted with the show
But she'll never take ballooning on again.
Performed by Marie Lloyd (1870-1922)
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