Mrs A and Mrs B were discussing over tea
The usual servant question, in a casual sort of way
Mrs B in tones so sad, said, 'My servants drive me mad
I can't find one that's suitable, now tell me Mrs A
How is it you can always keep your servants?
We can't get one to stay with us a week
I give them decent food and decent wages
And try to make them happy, so to speak
With servants I have nothing else but worry
Yours never seem to trouble you a bit
Oh, you've got some soldiers barracks round the corner, close at hand
Is that so? Hmm, that accounts for it.

Mr M and Mr S both attired in yachting dress
Were lounging on the Grand Parade at Folkstone by the sea
When a loving pair they spied, passing on the other side
Said Mr M, quite agitated, 'Goodness gracious me
I didn't know that Jenkins was in Folkestone
For when we met in town, but yesterday
He told me he was just about departing
To Manchester, on business, by the way
By Jove, that is an awfully smart young lady
His taste is really good you will admit
But I always thought his wife was rather stout and middle-aged
What do you say? Hmm, that accounts for it.

Mr P and Mr Q one day lately went to view
A certain exhibition, quite a classical display
One large painting, six foot square, seemed to be a tit-bit there
Said Mr P to Mr Q 'Old chap, don't run away
D'you mean to say you don't admire the picture?
I fear a little prejudice that shows
Well, as to that I quite admit old fellow
It's rather warm, but what a classic pose
Of art I thought you were a conniosseur, too
This study has been quite the season's hit
Oh, it doesn't interest you. What! the model was your wife
Is that so? Hmm, that accounts for it.

Mr G and Mr J were in Regent Street one day
And saw a lady driving in a handsome motor-car
For a while they stopped to stare at the smart young lady fair
Then Mr G observed, as they strolled in a private bar
'I seem to think I've met that lady somewhere
Now, wasn't she the barmaid at the 'Crown'
I thought she was, I knew her by the kiss-curl
My word, she wears a most expensive gown
And if I'm any sort of judge of diamonds
Hers must have cost a pretty tidy bit
And I never thought that barmaids could go in for motor-cars
What do you say? Hah, that accounts for it.
Written and composed by A.J. Mills & Bennett Scott - 1903
Performed by Marie Lloyd (1870-1922)
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