When you've had a drink or two, or may be three or four
Toddling home you go, pally with all the world
P'r'haps a damsel fair attracts your notice on the way
That's when you should be careful what you do and say
If she cries, 'Oh I've lost my purse somewhere.'
And wants to take a taxi cab, but can't afford the fare.

Chorus: There's danger on the line, there's danger on the line
If you say, 'It can't be done,
Won't you take a cup of tea and a bun?'
Then if she replies, 'That game's no game of mine
Can't you stand me something else, Sir?
Just a brandy and some seltzer?'
Then there's danger on the line.

Jack had been away to sea for over twenty years
Never a line had he sent to his wife at home
Thinking Jack had gone below, without the slightest fear
She got married again to Mike the Grenadier
But Jack's all right, for home he's on his way
He reaches there tomorrow, and tomorrow's washing day.

Chorus: There's danger on the line, there's danger on the line
'Whose shirt's that?' of course he'll cry
'On your clothes line, hanging out to dry?'
Mike the fighting man, he'll soon say, 'That shirt's mine.'
Then if Jack kicks up a wrangle,
Mike'll pass him through the mangle
So there's danger on the line.

Bertie and his lovely bride upon their honey-moon
Started to take the train down to the rolling sea
Bertie gave the guard a tip, the guard knew what to do
'First Class? certainly, sir, here's one reserved for you.'
He locked them in, and then he murmured low
'Mum's the word! I mustn't let the engine-driver know.'

Chorus: There's danger on the line, there's danger on the line
Not one word I'll say to him
If he knew, there'd be the devil to pay
'Cos Bill's a single man - he might cut things too fine
If he had my information, ten to one he'd miss the station
So there's danger on the line.

Snooks went out upon the loose and got so very tight
With the result, next day, they fined him forty bob
Snooks at first assured the 'beak' the charge was quite untrue
Cried, 'I'll bet you a quid I walk as straight as you!'
The magistrate said, 'Test him for a while
And let him walk the chalk-line.'
Then the 'slop' said with a smile

Chorus: There's danger on the line, there's danger on the line
Poor old Snooks said, 'Don't make fun
I'll do this job as it ought to be done.'
When he saw the mark, it looked like eight or nine
And he said, 'This beats me holler!
Where's the one I've got to foller?'
There was danger on the line.
Written and composed by Leigh, Collins & Murry - 1911
Performed by Arthur Lennard (1867-1954)
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