Once, standing in a London street, three ladies met my gaze,
One high-born, one of middle-class and one from Bryant and May's.
Whilst standing there, three smart young men, stepped up, their girls to meet,
And this is how the ladies fair, contrived their beaux to greet.

Chorus: Said number one, 'Adolphus my dear! I'm overcome with joy,
To think that you've eluded Pa! you are a darling boy.
Said number two, 'Ah, Harry dear, you're just a trifle late,
But never mind, you're here at last, altho' I've had to wait.'
Said number three, 'Oh, strike me you're a tofferina, Joe,
I'm dying for a buster, come and give us one, what ho!'

The first pair in a brougham went, at once to see the play,
The second took an omnibus, a penny all the way.
The third pair walk along the streets, arms 'round each other twined,
And seated in the 'Gods' they seemed for jollity inclined.

Chorus: Said number one, 'Adolphus dear, you've heard the news, of course,
The leading actress in the play, has just obtained divorce.'
Said number two, 'I hope that in the play, some people die,
I do so like the touching parts, although they make me cry.'
Said number three, 'Here Joe, this bloke behind thinks I'm a mat,
Sit down, you fat-head, in the front, take off your bloomin' hat.

The play was done, our pairs came out, the first a brougham sought,
The next, regardless of expence, a crawling hansom caught.
The third pair to a fried fish shop, adjourned not far below,
'Two middle pieces, missus and the vinegar, what ho.'

Chorus: Said number one, 'Adolphus do not like that at me glance,
Oh, let the coachman hurry, I've to meet Pa at a dance.
Said number two, 'Well Harry dear, the play was not much fun,
What kiss me, someone's looking, no they're not, well only one.'
Said number three, 'The last 'bus gone, oh shan't I cop it hot,
Here, stir up Joe, I'll race you to the lampost for a pot.'
Performed by Vesta Tilley (1864-1952)
From Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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