Tim Tubbs was very tubby and
So were the little Tubbs.
I do not wish to snub them but
Their noses were all snubbs.
As Snubs stood by his butter tubbs,
Ans served out pats and rounds,
A man came in and said you've came
Into five thousand pounds.
The Tubbs with joy gave forth a whoop
The Tubbses all came down,
And one and all agreed next morn,
To go to London town.

Chorus: Timothy Tubbs and all the Tubbs whose noses all were snubses,
Timothy Tubbs he sought the clubs and all the little pubses.
And Timothy Tubbs and all his cubs went boozing round the town,
'Til Timothy Tubbs and all the Tubbs were upside-down.

Next morning all the Tubbs were full
Of joy and merriment,
They danced upon the butter tubs
And grew quite turbulent.
And soon the Tubbs were rolling to
The station in in a chay,
While Tubbs tipped many a little stave,
Of song upon the way.
They landed safe in London where,
Tubbs fairly lost his head
And though his partner, Mrs Tubbs
Said she should go to bed,


Old Tubbs and all his tubby sons
It's very sad to speak,
Went out and lowered drinks 'til folks
Declared theyed sprung a leak.
They rolled against each other 'til
'Twas time to seek their beds,
Then sundry p'licemen found the Tubbs
All standing on their heads.
They put them right and as they all
Were full up to the bung,
The Tubbs were trundled to a cell,
While all the people sung,


Next morn the Tubbses in the court
Were empty, dry and frail,
The judge said, 'Oh, you swill tubs it's
No wonder you look pale.
For Tubbs to stand upon their heads
Is wrong, I must opine.
Is it to be or not to be
A forty shilling fine?'
They paid their fines and Mrs Tubbs
A resolution made,
The Tubbs henceforth no stronger drink
Should hold than lemonade.

Performed by Arthur Lennard (1867-1954)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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