In a little Scotch town they'd a meeting one day
And the chairman waxed eloquent too, by the way
He announced that a noble improvement 'twould make
If they bought some gondolas to float on the lake
He thought about twenty would be very nice
When McPherson arose to object to the price
He exclaimed, 'Twenty gondolas? that winna do
Get a male and a female and breed frae' the two.'

Chorus: Up in Scotland, bonnie Scotland
'Mong the banks and the braes
And the 'hochs' and the 'haes'
Up in Scotland, bonnie Scotland
It's a braw, bricht, moon-licht nicht the nicht!

In dear dirty Dublin, Pat Murphy one night
Of a pub door came out with his head rather light
When the priest, who was passing, said, 'Pat, if you please
I'm surprised at you drinking in places like these.'
Cried Pat, 'Satan tempted me.' Then the priest said
'You should say, 'Satan, get thee behind me, instead''
'That's just what Oi did,' replied Pat - 'There's the rub
When the divil got behind, he pushed me in the pub.'

Chorus: In ould Oireland - in ould Oireland
Wid the colleens and the jigs
In ould Oireland - in ould Oireland
Whoopps, be jabers, begorra, hooroo.

In a Lancashire town, at a meeting held there
The mayor proposed, in a dignified air
They should build a fine bridge o'er a stream like that, aye
When Jack Johnson arose with a snort and a scream
'Why by gum! I could jump over that ony day.'
Said the mayor, 'You're out of order,' 'I know that,' said Jack
'But if I were in order ah'd jump theer and back.'

In London a couple got married last June
And a servant they took on their sweet honeymoon
They sternly impressed him, both bridegroom and bride
Not to let people know they were just newly tied
But the hotel folks next day at them rudely stared
'That fool's been and told them,' the couple declared
But the servant said, 'No, not a hint I let fall
But to make sure I said you weren't married at all.'

Refrain: In London, good old London
With their 'tubes' and their trains
And their mending the drains
In London, sloppy London
Wot ho, ain't it all right, not arf!

Written and composed by George Arthurs & Bennett Scott - 1904
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