Though I'm a policeman I've never been accused
Of charging anyone too soon
I've been watching a chap who's very boozed
Hanging round here all the afternoon
He's just gone in the Crown to get a drink
I can see him plain from where I stand
I'm not sure, but he's got some beer, I think
Judging by the pint pot in his hand
I am waiting for further evidence
But I don't want him to see
I am waiting, I may be wrong, of course
But still, it looks like beer to me
Though it may be that he's only drinking water
I can only see the pot. So I'm going in to taste it
If I find that it is beer, well I shall charge him upon the spot.

This street gambling is getting quite a curse
We find it now in every town
It's like drinking. In fact I think it's worse
And like the drink it's got to be put down
There's one bookmaker lives across the way
Keeps a paper shop just for a blind
I've seen cash handed to him every day
He'll get such a big surprise. He'll find
I am waiting for further evidence
‘Ere I place him in the cart
What it cost me to get to know that bookie
Is enough to break my heart
I shall wait till the final race is over
Then as sure as he's been born
If I haven't found a winner in the three I've backed today
Well, I shall charge him tomorrow morn

I charge so many people every day
Some cases I of course enlarge
My contention is never mind the way
Where there is a will there is a charge
I was crossing the Thames the other night
Someone tumbled in, I heard the splash
Help! I'm drowning! he yelled with all his might
In my actions, I am never rash
I was waiting for further evidence
When he shouted out once more
Help! I am drowning! I thought, is he kidding me?
I'll wait and make quite sure
But I knew when he went down for the third time
‘Twas the last time he would rise
And a good job for him, on the quiet, he didn't rise again
Or I'd have pinched him for telling lies.
Written and composed by Frank Leo - 1914
Performed by Frank Leo (1874-1940)
home spaceA spaceB spaceC spaceD spaceE spaceF spaceG spaceH spaceI spaceJ spaceK spaceL spaceM spaceN spaceO spaceP spaceQ spaceR spaceS spaceT spaceU spaceV spaceW spaceX spaceY spaceZ