Just give the drum a good old bang and let the trumpet blow, sir,
Walk up! Walk up! you mustn't miss the monster wax-works show, sir,
I've figures representative of every blessed nation,
I tell you wot this show of mine's a lib'ral education.

Chorus: It's gospel true, I give you my word
I ain't a man to 'blow'
One 'D's' the price, and too absurd
For sich a gorgeous show.

There's Brigham Young with all his wives, and numerous progeny,
Which gives the lie direct to them as says he hasn't any;
The 'Three old maids of Lee' with Bonapart and Richard Turpin
A realistic model of a sparrer wot's a chirpin'

Chorus:

I've Jumbo and a model of the whale that swallered Jonah
A costermonger walkin' out on Sunday with his donah
I've famous actors by the score in togs you can't call seedy,
There's Bessie Bellwood, 'Arry Rickards, Kemble and Macready

Chorus:

I've Daniel in the lion's den, and the man who struck O'Hara,
A model of the 'arp which once would sound through 'alls of Tara,
There's Gen'ral Booth, Uriah Heep, the Shah and Mrs Grundy,
And a figure wot shows the awful result of a-closin' the pubs on Sunday.

Chorus:

I've celebrated burglars too, and popular murderesses
In fashionable tourist suits and most expensive dresses;
You'll find a portrait model too, of ev'ry well-known martyr,
There's Mr Parnell and King John signing the Magna Charter.

Chorus:

There's life-sized reproductions of the nightingale two-headed
The youthful Princes in the Tower a-sleepin' double-bedded
There's great composers by the score, Beethovens, Wagners, Lutzs
And King Canute by the sad sea-shore a-washin' his tootsie-wootsies.

Chorus: