Last night I went to a social club
To meet some pals I know
We danced and pranced and jumped about
Until it was time to go
So we all went home in a cab
We all went home in a cab
The bottom fell out
But the driver went on
So we all ran home in a cab

We went into an ice-cream shop
Of drinks we had our sup
With ice-cream, ginger beer, and pop
Until it blew us up
Then we all went home in a tram
We all went home in a tram
But the guard pushed us off
And we fell on the floor
So we didn't go home in a tram

The other day we all set out
And we felt very fit
We had champagne, then one chap said
'Let's make a night of it'
And we didn't get 'ome last night
We didn't get 'ome last night
We'd some business to do
With a man dressed in blue
So we didn't go home last night

Next morning we felt very dry
We got let off that day
The first thing that we did you'll bet
As we got on our way
We all went into a pub
To get some beer in there
But it hadn't got strength
To come up the pump
So we all came out again.
Written and performed by George Formby Sr. (1875-1921)
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