[Spoken] I'm Mrs Whats-er-name. I'm a respectable married woman I am...

I've married a man of position, I've married a man of great wealth
He works very hard for his living, and it isn't too good for his health
I think his good job will continue. Well, that's what I fervently trust
'Cos he's rapidly making his fortune. Yes, he's covered all over in dust.

Chorus: 'Cos my old man's a dustman. What do you think of that?
What do you think of that? What do you think of that?
He wears a dustman's trousers. He wears a dustman's hat
And he talks a dustman's language. What do you think of that?
When they only paid him thirty-bob a week
He called me 'is turtle dove
But since they've raised his salary to four pounds ten
He throws his rubbish where he throws his love.

He used to have beer for his breakfast,
But now he wants nothing but 'Fizz'
So I gives him a seltzer powder,
And then I leave things as they is.
I'm getting quite jealous of Herbert,
The ladies admire him I know,
And the way that he picks up a dustbin,
Oh! it does show his figure off so.

You'll notice this dress that I'm wearing.
It sends all my friends up the pole
He got it for me on my birthday
From robbing St Peter's dust 'ole
The rag and bone man said this mornin'
The material's crepe-ee de chine
I think that it's sack cloth and ashes
By the way that it scratches my skin.

Written and composed by John P. Long - 1922
Performed by Ernie Mayne (1871-1937)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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