Oh! Girls! when you're courting have you ever thought
How you lose all your status in life
Though I know that it's nice to have a young man
Who's longing to make you his wife
When you are together, of course you're his pet
His darling, his love and his dear
But how does he mention your name to his friends
When his angelic one is not near.

Refrain: If from Scotland he may call you 'lassie'
In the Midlands you're know as his 'wench'
You may be his 'flame' or you might be his 'bird'
'Ma petite' if he still knows his French
Down the East End then you'd be his 'Donah'
But if he lives Kensington way
With a glass in his eye he will say with a sigh
'Of course you know my fiancee.'

Oh! how do you like girls, to know that you are
Only a nice 'bit of fluff'
Or that you are the 'goods', his own 'piece of skirt'
Or perhaps even - yes - 'lump of duff'
And even after he's asked you to wed
Begged you to down on his knees
You have consented, and when you're made one
What are you then, if you please?

Refrain: You are probably called the 'old geezer'
His 'old Dutch' or his 'old Cheshire cheese'
Whilst all the time you are doing your best
His Lordship wishes to please
Oh! it's awful, it's dreadful, it's fearful
To you , as a dutiful wife
To find that you're known to his clubmates in Town
As 'old Johnson's trouble and strife.'

So girls let us stop it, once and for all
Let us round on the unfeeling wretch
We will teach him that women were not made for slaves
And will no longer carry and fetch
Let's find a new name that will fit him
And tame the brute beast if we can
Oh! hush girls! I think that he's coming
Yes, he is - it's my 'old pot and pan'

Refrain: Oh hubby! and you've come home early
Because it was my birthday
And you've brought me a lovely new diamond ring, - Oh!
Let's go round to Smith's straight away
Mrs Smith always speaks of her husband
In terms that are not too polite
But you, you're a darling, an angel, a peach
The best man on earth - yes - that's right.
Written and composed by Ed. Harvey & Clarence Weston - 1924
Performed by Gwen Lewis
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