I'm an easy going fellow with an easy going way,
I don't believe in worry, for worry doesn't pay.
I seldom read the papers, I think they're awful rot,
Whatever happens in this word, I never care a jot.

What does it matter to me?
If pink pills are good for the blues,
I don't care if 'Monkey Brand' doesn't wash clothes,
And who's Sonny Jimmy, well goodness knows.
Then there's somebody's something that touches the spot,
Which advertise daily, I see.
Well, I haven't a spot and I hate to be touched,
So what does it matter to me?

What does it matter to me?
If Irishmen are fond of scotch.
I don't care if they do make you hardier, lord
Or if G.L. Sullivan wrote 'The Lost Chord'
If Marie Correlli does go on the stage
Or the emperor of Germany,
Wants our Thames ferry steam-boats to make up his fleet.
Well what does it matter to me?

What does it matter to me?
If you are listening to what I've to say.
You can hear my voice but you can't see my face,
That's just as well, or you'd rush from the place.
Still, I hope that you're really enjoying this song,
As you won't have to pay me my fee.
And if you should applaud well, I can't hear you, so there,
What does it matter to me?

Performed by Whit Cunliffe (1876-1966)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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