I am a humble man, a very humble man
And five-and-twenty shillings is my modest bunce a week
I have so many kids, and such a dearth of quids
I really only get a proper dinner once a week
We've got one room. no more, and I sit upon the floor
For our one chair has always got a perfect heap upon it
And when to bed we go, we never doss, you know
Our number's fourteen, and we've but one bed to sleep upon

Chorus: What is one amongst so many, after all is said and done
There's so little room in bed, I sleep standing on my head
For we have only one (five foot six by four foot)

I have a cousin staid, a very nice old maid
Who in the country keeps a most select academy
For five-and-thirty girls, with such bewitching curls
A very Eve-y sort of place for fellows Adam-y
She asked me down to stay - the girls all cried 'Hooray'
When at the railway station they did discover me
They said, 'Oh dear, what bliss! we've got a man to kiss'
And in about a half-a-tick they were all over me- and -

Chorus: What is one amongst so many, after all is said and done
Half-a-day - that's all I stopped -
Then I kissed them round and 'hopped'.
For I was only one - (little harmless chappie)

My youngest sister, Kate, thought she would emigrate
So went to Klondyke, as the climate was so beautiful
But all the fellows were respectful and most dutiful
They serenaded her, and lemonaded her
And fell in love with her and made her happy as could be
But she said, 'I must clear!' because she chanced to hear
Each one sing out - 'There's only one girl in the world for me.'

Chorus: What is one amongst so many, after all is said and done
All the lot she couldn't mate, so poor Kate she had to skate
For she was only one - (One to fifteen hundred)

I once stood on a course - a racing course, of course
And made a book, and thought how very prime it was
I lost - and chanced to stray not very far away
Upon my soul, I merely went to see what time it was
My clients raised a yell, and then upon me fell
One stole my money, and each other shouted, 'Pay me out.'
I said, 'They've prigged my oof' They said, 'Oh that's all spoof.'
They called me welsher, and proceeded then to lay me out.

Chorus: What is one amongst so many, after all is said and done
I'd nice garments on, you see, but when they had done with me
I found I'd only one - (just an underflannel)

I've five-and-twenty fowls, such lovely looking fowls
There's four-and-twenty hens, the other one is not a hen
They led such happy lives, these four-and-twenty wives
Their husband was the most attentive of young gentlemen
But one seraphic day, another fowl so gay
Attempted to decoy a few away with artful cheek
The other fowl was nigh, and, pecking out his eye
Said, 'What was that confounded impudence I heard you speak?'

Chorus: What is one amongst so many, after all is said and done
With his beak he stabbed him through, and said, 'I'm enough for you
Although I'm only one - (chuck, chuck, chuck, chuck, chuck,).'
Written and composed by E.W. Rogers - 1898
Performed by George Robey (1869-1954)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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