Arthur Rigby

I never shall forget the hour,
I went upon a snooker tour.
To Paris by the midnight mail,
The name of 'Steward' makes me quail.
We started off the sights to do,
The Boulevard-de-Toodle-oo
The Avenue-de-Roodle-oo,
The Cafe-de-canoodle-oo
The Concert-de-la-thing-a-my-bob
Where the girls do fling-a-my-bob,
The Grand Saloon wall-papery,
With pictures without drapery.
No wonder that our Frenchy guide
Thro' showing 'em got quite cross-eyed,

Chorus: What they showed me over in Paree!
Well, it takes a lot to make me blush,
But I had to hide behind my 'mash'
The girls who dance,
Well, you'll pardon-ny me
They say , 'Bong! bong! no wrong, wrong, wrong,'
But I say 'Oui! Oui! Oui!

We dined of soup of pickled frogs,
With just a dash of roasted dofs,
I thought my life was fairly gone,
I ate one with a muzzle on.
My old man tried to slip away,
But I said, 'Thank you, not today!
For once you're seen alone, it's true,
The girls will be all over you.'
The boulevard was strolled along,
They called my old man, 'Ong-bong-pong'.
The guide said, 'Vell, Vot next you see?
Ze Can-Can?' my old man said, 'Oui!'
I did not know what 'twas, not me,
Or I'd have given him Oui! Oui!


We wnet into a dancing place,
The girls, well let me hide my face,
My old man looked and gave a wince,
He's been short-sighted ever since;
I saw him winking at one girl,
Then in my rush I gave one twirl
And then I gave the girl what for,
Fifteen of us rolled on the floor.
A Johnny-darm said, ' Ma'am, pardon?'
One scratch and his moustache was gone.
The ran me in, 'Five pounds, the charge
For being a lunatic at large!'
My old man paid but you mark me,
I paid him out for Oui! Oui! Oui!


Written and composed by E.W. Rogers
Performed by Arthur W. Rigby (1865-1944)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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