A schoolmaster was standing in his schoolroom with his scholars
Like a schoolmaster has often stood before
His scholars stood before him just like scholares always will stand
And like scholars used to stand in days of yore
A fly flew in the schoolroom, like a fly will often fly in
And it settled on the schoolmaster's bald head
He flicked it off, it came back, then he flicked it off again
And then the schoolmaster to all his scholars said

Chorus: 'Where do flies go in the Winter time?
Do they go to gay Paree?
When they've finished buzzing round our beef and ham
When they've finished jazzing round our raspberry jam
Do they clear like swallows every year?
To a distant foreign clime
Tell me, tell me, where do flies go in the Winter time?'

An express train was running once expressedly for the people
Who'd expressed a wish to go by the express
And in one first class carriage, two old fellows gassing
And the subject of their gas, you'll never guess
It lead up to an argument, and then they started fighting
And when one took his revolver out to shoot
The other pulled the cord that stopped the train
And when the guard walked up, he said
'Oh guard, can you end the dispute.'


When Parliament was sitting once, well, when I say was sitting
Some were standing up, but you know what I mean
The members well remembered how Lloyd George got quite excited
And the 'House' has never yet seen such a scene
Bottomley, he shouted, 'Where does Britain's money go to?'
And then Lloyd George in a temper quickly rose
And said, There's your four
Hundred pounds and other things to pay for
Gentlemen, we all know where the money goes, but

Written and composed by Sam Mayo & Frank Leo
Performed by Jack Pleasants (1874-1924)
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