Twelve months ago I put two bob in the Post Office savings bank
I'd heard that money would help to keep John Bull in the very front rank
The very next day I says to my chum, 'Why don't we build more ships?'
And he says, 'Well, we can't, old paL, just now we're short of chips.'
Says I, 'What's that? we can't build more ships
Because the country's short of chips?'

Chorus: 'Then where's that two bob gone
I sent it to the GPO?
I lent that money to the state,
To help to keep the Empire straight
We need ten thousand iron-clads
To guard us from attack
And if they don't set about it soon
I'll have my two bob back.'

One day I went to Aldershot, and after a big sham fight
I went and told the General how to set the army right
I says, 'Why not buy all the guns from Maxim or from Krupp
And arm a fleet of flying machines, and send the army up?'
He says, 'We can't, we've got no oof.'
But I says, 'Who're you trying to spoof?

Chorus: 'Why, where's that two bob gone
I put it in the savings bank?
I understood it went to keep
The War Office from going to sleep
A million iron-clad airships
That's what our soldiers lack
You shan't waste my money building forts
I'll have my two bob back.

I'd never seen the British Museum until I went there but
When I did go, to my surprrise, I found the place was shut
'You can't come in,' the porter says, 'We've had to close the show
'Cos we've just lost a mummy through an accidental blow.'
So I says, 'Well, if that's the way our money's fairly kicked away

Chorus: 'Then, where's that two bob gone
I put it in the National funds?
You've let that mummy die of fright
When a pen'orth of pills might have set him right
There's fifty pounds gone wallop, I'll see you get the sack
You don't waste any more money of mine
I'll have my two bob back.'

I went to the House on Budget night, and after the Chancellor spoke
It struck me rather forcibly that we were going broke
I met the Chancellor coming out, so I says to him, 'Look here
Why don't you lower those taxes that you said you would last year?'
'I can't, I'm millions short,' says he, so I says, 'Oh,well, what price me,

Chorus: 'Here, where's my two bob gone
That the Postmaster General had?
And how dare you stand up and grin?
And carry a purse with my money in?
You're losing millions are you?
No wonder trade's so slack
Rats to you, and your budget too
Give me my two bob back.'

Written and composed by Charles Osborne - 1907
Performed by A.G. Spry
home spaceA spaceB spaceC spaceD spaceE spaceF spaceG spaceH spaceI spaceJ spaceK spaceL spaceM spaceN spaceO spaceP spaceQ spaceR spaceS spaceT spaceU spaceV spaceW spaceX spaceY spaceZ