I bought this book of popular songs, the copyright songs of the day
I've studied them all, and had a good laugh,
I'll tell you what some of them say
Now, just look at this, the first song in the book
One of us that's often been hurled
A girl says 'She wouldn't leave her wooden hut
For the very best man in the world.'
Oh, girls, we all know you are fanciful
But the idea of you stuck in some little wooden hut
And you wouldn't leave it! And you tell me that
You'd stick in your hut and not live in a 'Flat'?

Chorus: Whether it's right or wrong, we must have the song
Whatever they put before us as long as we know the Chorus:
Some are rum, but let them come tho' silly, we like the sound
Of a good old Chorus: song, it makes the world go round.

Now, here's a song that's possibly true
A very good song of its class
It's, 'Just like the ivy I'll cling to you'
You'll cling -- while we've got the brass
'There was I waiting (for hours) in the church'
Says a girl, 'And I'm left in a fix.'
Now, that didn't worry old Adam and Eve
For they saved the seven and six.
'A Big Bamboo Bungalo I've built for you'
But why build a bungalo just to hold two?
Now, what price the slavey? where's she going to sleep?
And the lodger, who pays the rent, where will he creep?


'All girls are lovely' this fellow says
Which proves that he hasn't seen life
If all girls are lovely, that proves again
He's not had a look at my wife
'Oh, do stop your tickling, Jock' says a girl
Now, show me the girl that said that
Girls like to be tickled, it makes 'em all laugh
And laughing, it makes them grow fat
A chap says, 'Give my regards to Leicester Square'
Does he want the square? No! the ladies round'
Come under the old apple tree' says a beau - there
The old apple again, 'Hello! Hello! Hello!


Performed by Whit Cunliffe (1876-1966)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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