I'm a lonely young widow, my name's Jane Louise
Last night with a young man I sat 'neath some trees
We both were in dreamland, and our thoughts far away
At last aroused him then to him did say,

Refrain: 'Now what are you thinking of, darling
He replied with a loving embrace
'I am thinking the same, love, as you,' then I said
If I thought you were, I'd smack your face.'

My first husband Jim was a farmer and he
Thought more of his pigs than he thought about me
I felt quite neglected so one night in bed
As he lay there snoring I woke him and said,

Refrain: 'You promised to kiss me at cock crow
He gazed on my face, such a wreck
And murmured 'All right, when the cock crows I'll kiss you.'
Then he went down and screwed the cock's neck.

To the art gallery some chap took me one day
To see all the figures and statues in clay
The chap said, 'They're beautiful, let's see some more.'
Then the statue of Venus he suddenly saw.

Refrain: I said, 'That is the statue of Venus
And a beautiful girl she was too.'
He said, 'If that's what girls are supposed to be like
Well, they've made a darned fine mess of you!'
Performed by Sam Mayo (1875-1938)
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