Charles Godfrey
Tell me is it not absurd?
To address a girl as, 'Tottie',
Is the word a proper word,
Or a term a sage would pick.
'Fops' and 'Cads' I've lately heard,
Seem to be all going 'Dottie'.
Girls they meet, they call their sweet,
Or else their pretty dick,
'Stead of salt from either pocket,
If they wish to catch a stray,
They produce a diamond locket,
And to little birdie say,

Chorus: Will you be mine? pretty bird, pretty bird!
Do not decline but say the word,
I'll buy a nice little cage pretty quick,
If you'll be mine pretty dick, pretty dick!

My old Uncle Captain Jones,
Went and bought a bow and arrow,
Hearing notes of silvery tones,
Next to where he did reside;
He commenced by throwing stones,
Till at last he caught Miss Sparrow,
Then said he, Oh! fly with me,
And be my little birdie bride!
Then without a single word, he
Saw Miss Sparrow fly away,
But he followed little birdie,
And upon his knees did say,


When Miss Sparrow did consent,
She was dressed in brand new feathers,
Straight away to church they went,
Happy as two birds could be;
But when all the cash was spent,
And they had to face all weathers,
One cold day she flew away,
And left poor uncle 'up a tree'.
Tho' the best of birds he'd thought her,
He was told off after dark,
A bad birdie came to court her,
Who was oft heard to remark,


Uncle all his griefs revealed,
And while cursing he who'd got her,
Saw them flying through a field,
Making for another home;
Men appeared who'd been concealed,
Raised their guns and fired and shot her,
No, not she, they'd wounded he,
Whose just dessert had timely come,
Uncle shortly died of sorrow,
She, to Salt Lake City fled,
He, the traitor, till the morrow,
Lived to own 'twas he who said,

Written and composed by Joseph Tabrar
Performed by Charles Godfrey (1851-1900)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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