This is a song I'm going to sing
Or at least, it's alleged to be that
It's all of my happy courting days
When in my girl's parlour I sat
But her sloppy old father made me mad
Kept coming in on some silly fad
Asking me if I had the time, or
What I thought of the pantomime
Or, the pie-bald canary had passed away
Or, how was my voice, till I had to say,

Chorus: 'Oh, you do keep popping in and out
Oh, you do keep popping in and out
When you come in you might please knock
Have you got it in your noddle that I want to steal the clock?
We got no chance to spoon while you're hanging about
If you're not popping out, dash it all, you're popping in
And if you're not popping in, you're popping out.'

This is a song I am going to sing
And this verse is exceptionally grand
It's where I took the wife to the sea
For a donkey ride on the sand
We chartered two steeds, and then got on
Then we got off, but 'twas not for fun
Got on again, and, by all acounts
We were two rejected remounts
Then both of the 'donks', with a tear dimmed eye
Turned round and remarked with a sad, sad sigh

Chorus: 'Oh, you do keep getting on and off
Oh, you do keep getting on and off
To ride on a moke, you've both got a sauce
You'd look a lot better riding on a wooden horse
At carrying such as you a decent nag would scoff
For, if you're not getting off, dash it all, you're getting on
And if you're not getting on, you're getting off.'

This is a song I am going to sing
Well, I think that I've said that before
But this is the verse where you meet the girl
The damsel you so much adore
You go for a walk with your little love
You call her a dear, a duck, and a dove
A goose, and a lambkin upon the lea
You call her a blooming menageree
You start making love like a sily young clown
But you feel very soft when she says, with a frown,

Chorus: 'Oh, you do keep doing this and that
Oh, you do keep doing this and that
Just as you think the girl you've won
She tells you this and you wonder what you've done
She says, 'For two long hours
Like two big fools we've sat
For if you're not doing that, dash it, you're doing this
And if you're not doing this, you're doing that.'
Written and composed by Albert Hall and J. W. Knowles - 1904
Performed by Wilkie Bard (1874-1944)
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