To a seaside spot in Kent, smart young lady and a gent
Travell'd by the five o'clock expressfrom Charing Cross;
As their carriage was 'reserved', that pair felt a bit unnerved
When an old boy trotted in, and spoilt the fun, of course.
The young man sighed, the lady glared as only ladies can.
The old hoy smiled and said, "I read your thoughts, young man.
You 're newly wed - um? Your honeymoon, ah!
And all alone, what? You'd like to spoon, I see!
You 're wishing me where? Uh? To Jericho! Oh, dear, dear!
You needn't wink- it's all right- I know!"

By excursion - half-a-crown - Farmer Giles came up to town,
Just to see the cattle show at Islington, one day;
He got lost, though, in the end, and that very night a friend
Found him at the 'Empire' looking at the ballet gay.
"Hello! Farmer Giles", said he. "why, you don't do things be halves,
I see you're busy criticising all those lovely calves.
You giddy whelk! What's that you say?
In Leicester Square, why, you lost you way? Ha!
You thought this was- what?- the cattle show? Oh!
You needn't wink- go and enjoy yourself, I know!"

Brown is quite a moral man, and lives upon the temperance plan.
Never takes a stronger brick drink than bottled ginger beer,
And be dislikes those married men who go flirting now and then,
Raises up his eyes and says, "How terrible to hear."
I really don't believe he could be giddy if he tried;
I tell you for why. Look here.' Why- why- why,
There is Brown, Good gracious me, with a lady by his side.
Yes, yes, it's right enough - Oh, that's Mr Brown -
I say, where's your wife, old boy? Uh? Gone out of town? Oh!
But who's, who is the gal? Relation? Ah!
Ha! ha! You needn't wink, old chap,- mum's the word — I know!
Not a word to the wife!"
Written and composed by A.J. Mills & Bennett Scott
Performed by Marie Lloyd (1870-1922)
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