On a quiet afternoon in the cosy bar saloon
Of The 'Mother's Arms' a well known pub in town
Missis Green had just popped in, for a weeny nip of gin
Strange coincidence! and so had Missis Brown
One or two small nips and then - Mrs Green she talked like ten
'My old man, today, called me an ugly cat
Ah, but not so long ago, I was beautiful you know
I remember when he wouldn't have called me that.

Chorus: 'I was beautiful and fair, and I'd lovely golden hair
And a kiss-curl, reaching right from here to here
I was called the village 'star'.' But the other old girl said, 'Ah,
That's a thing of the past, old dear.'

Mrs Brown said, 'Never mind, if your husband was unkind
Put three-ha'pence to my penny, now old dear
Cheer yourself up, if you can! Yus! We'll have 'two out' young man
Look at me! I've been a widow seven year
How the time do fly, eh? Yus! Seevn year since I lost Gus
And a better husband never broke his bread
He said nasty things, no doubt, when the sherbert was about
Still, in spite of all the nasty things he said,'

Chorus: 'When I sees 'is trousers there, hanging on the old arm-chair
With the leg of 'em, I wipes away a tear
Yus, and in between my sobs, I goes searching for the bobs
But they're things of the past, old dear.'

Mrs Brown said, 'Now, you see, you're far better off than me
You've got your old man at home, and I've got none
Though at times, they plays the game, and calls us out of our name
Still, men's useful, sometimes, when all's said and done
They protects you from the storm, and they keeps you nice and warm
And they loves you, now and then, you must agree.'
Mrs Green said, 'Very fine! Mine did, once upon a time
Now he loves the skittle alley more than me.'

Chorus: 'I was once his turtle-dove, he'd sit all night, making love
And was never happy, when I wasn't near
I tries hard to tempt and tease him, but, somehow, I never please him
It's a thing of the past, old dear.'
Written and composed by John P. Harrington & George Le Brunn (1905)
Performed by Marie Lloyd (1870-1922)
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